Sometime last week, I heard a peer of mine say talks about marriage life and hearing negative things about it makes her fear getting married at all.
So, I wondered, if my posts of the past two weeks could have attributed to her fear or if talks she heard from plights of women who are suffering from marital problems or are on the verge of marital breakup.had? Anyway, as usual, I kept the question to myself and reflect over it.
I was born when my parents got separated and was only able to finally meet my father when I was about to start schooling at the age of seven. Imagine the wariness emanating from a seven-year-old at looking at an unfamiliar face who was supposed to be my father.
I can almost still recall the uncomfortable feeling. Then while growing up under the same roof with him, often than not, I felt like I was a total stranger to him. Suffice it to say that my memories of a so-called father and man of the family was not a pleasant one, not to say the least, that growing up in a not-so-normal household would have traumatized many children, especially a young woman, exposed to violence and irresponsible behavior of adults.
As a teenager when having crushes, even boyfriends, is the norm, I lived in worry and wariness around men, for fear that my father would make a cripple out of any young men who might give me attention. Looking back though, I might have my father to thank for for honing my senses as to what kind of man is ideal with me.
Men who were not that courageous enough or in love enough went scurrying away without me lifting a finger to shoo them on their way. Weren’t I sad to have not the chance to even enjoy much of their company? Well, I was spared of getting my heart broken unnecessarily.
I have read on a book before that children when exposed to violence and traumatic experiences with a parent tend to grow as introverts, even, emotionally crippled. In some sense, I was indeed an introvert.
During my teenage years, my father had shown me excessive attention which if he had manifested it when I was still younger, I might had been ecstatic. This sudden turn of events had caused me a lot of uncomfortable even embarassing experiences that would have incurred phobia and hysterics to other teenagers. It made me feel odd but thanks to most of my classmates those years, male and female, they had not made me feel like an alien among their midst. They still accepted me and helped me make it through those difficult years.
Several more uncomfortable events occurred throughout my college days that would have made many young women cringe at the thought of ever having anything to do with men for fear that they might end with the same kind of man I had to live with for most of my teenage life.
Had I for a single moment thought of not marrying and creating a family of my own because of my bad experiences living with my father?
In all honesty, what I thought and prayed back then was to find a man whom God will grant me, who will accept and love me and my family for whatever he can see and know about our entire story.
When I finally met my husband, while I was looking at him at a distance, a flash of realization just suddenly hit me, and I said to myself, “this is it! It’s him, the man I am destined to be with.” More than a year after that, I took the plunge and exchanged vows with him.
Nineteen years and counting, we are still together. As I had said in my previous blogs, our marriage life was not an easy road to traverse. Trials and hardships we both gone through added spice to a marriage meld by time and numerous tests. But if asked if I regret any of those years with him? Despite everything, I would say, I am glad I took courage and went beyond my inhibitions and fear, for I could have never chosen a much better man other than my husband.
In making a decision about our own life, we should remember, upon our hands lie the outcome of our actions. By taking the risk, we might be uncertain of what lies ahead but we are the managers of our own destiny. It is like driving a car along a cliff, the wheel is tightly grasped in our hands. It lies upon us to what direction we can go-to safely reach our destination or to careen over the cliff.
If we aspire something for our life, we need not put shackles around those dreams in fear of the unknown. The thrill of the unexpected and the unknowns spikes up the level of interest and makes life more exhilarating. Life would be redundant and boring if we don’t explore what is out there. We will never know the thrill of hurtling barriers if we don’t experience obstacles. We will never fully enjoy life if we always shy away from getting out of our protective shells.
So, the choice is really up to you but why not…