Taking The Plunge

Sometime last week, I heard a peer of mine say talks about marriage life and hearing negative things about it makes her fear getting married at all.  

So, I wondered, if my posts of the past two weeks could have attributed to her fear  or if talks she heard from plights of women who are suffering from marital problems or are on the verge of marital breakup.had? Anyway, as usual, I kept the question to myself and reflect over it.

I was born when my parents got separated and was only able to finally meet my father when I was about to start schooling at the age of seven.  Imagine the wariness emanating from a seven-year-old at looking at an unfamiliar face who was supposed to be my father.

I can almost still recall the uncomfortable feeling.  Then while growing up under the same roof with him, often than not, I felt like I was a total stranger to him.  Suffice it to say that my memories of a so-called father and man of the family was not a pleasant one, not to say the least, that growing up in a not-so-normal household would have traumatized many children, especially a young woman, exposed to violence and irresponsible behavior of adults.

As a teenager when having crushes, even boyfriends, is the norm, I lived in worry and wariness around men, for fear that my father would make a cripple out of any young men who might give me attention.  Looking back though, I might have my father to thank for for honing my senses as to what kind of man is ideal with me.  

Men who were not that courageous enough or in love enough went scurrying away without me lifting a finger to shoo them on their way.  Weren’t I sad to have not the chance to even enjoy much of their company?  Well, I was spared of getting my heart broken unnecessarily.

I have read on a book before that children when exposed to violence and traumatic experiences with a parent tend to grow as introverts, even, emotionally crippled.  In some sense, I was indeed an introvert.  

During my teenage years, my father had shown me excessive attention which if he had manifested it when I was still younger, I might had been ecstatic.  This sudden turn of events had caused me a lot of uncomfortable even embarassing experiences that would have incurred phobia and hysterics to other teenagers.  It made me feel odd but thanks to most of  my classmates those years, male and female, they had not made me feel like an alien among their midst.  They still accepted me and helped me make it through those difficult years.

Several more uncomfortable events occurred throughout my college days that would have made many young women cringe at the thought of ever having anything to do with men for fear that they might end with the same kind of man I had to live with for most of my teenage life.

Had I for a single moment thought of not marrying and creating a family of my own because of my bad experiences living with my father?

In all honesty, what I thought and prayed back then was to find a man whom God will grant me, who will accept and love me and my family for whatever he can see and know about our entire story.

When I finally met my husband, while I was looking at him at a distance, a flash of realization just suddenly hit me, and I said to myself, “this is it!  It’s him, the man I am destined to be with.”  More than a year after that, I took the plunge and exchanged vows with him.  

Nineteen years and counting, we are still together.  As I had said in my previous blogs, our marriage life was not an easy road to traverse.  Trials and hardships we both gone through added spice to a marriage meld by time and numerous tests.  But if asked if I regret any of those years with him?  Despite everything, I would say, I am glad I took courage and went beyond my inhibitions and fear, for I could have never chosen a much better man other than my husband.
In making a decision about our own life, we should remember, upon our hands lie the outcome of our actions.  By taking the risk, we might be uncertain of what lies ahead but we are the managers of our own destiny.  It is like driving a car along a cliff, the wheel is tightly grasped in our hands.  It lies upon us to what direction we can go-to safely reach our destination or to careen over the cliff. 

If we aspire something for our life, we need not put shackles around those dreams in fear  of the unknown.  The thrill of the unexpected and the unknowns spikes up the level of interest and makes life more exhilarating.  Life would be redundant and boring if we don’t explore what is out there.  We will never know the thrill of hurtling barriers if we don’t experience obstacles. We will never fully enjoy life if we always shy away from getting out of our protective shells.  

So, the choice is really up to you but why not…

Misconceptions (Poetry)

When you see a woman with heavy loads
          What do you think?

When the man seemingly uncaring trods

           Hmm, there’s something.

Will you likely jump to a conclusion,

           “He’s a mean man!”

Or  could there be a plausible reason

            For what he’s done?

For the woman, it could be martyrdom,

             It could be love

For the man, could be unwanted freedom

              A way to live.

Life, really, is not made up of sweet dreams

             Or delusions.

Not everything we see is what it seems


God is With Us!

When it rains, it pours.

This was the quote that immediately came to mind, when I thought of all that has been happening with my family lately.

A month hadn’t pass us yet since we had to face that nerve-wracking operation my daughter had to undergo and now I had to once again submit myself to that proverbial rollercoaster ride, with my heart jammed in my throat.

Having to face situations like this, makes me feel like I am standing on a precipice, facing a cliff with jagged edges of rocks taunting me below, while behind me is a dark cloud formation that unnamed, unknown dangers could spring out suddenly.

In other words, it felt like no matter which way I look, problems and trials surround me.and rhe members of my family.  Am I just experiencing paranoia or am I just overreacting?  

I read somewhere before that our family members would always be our weaknesses, and I totally agree with that.  Over the years, I would always say to myself, I rather prefer to be the one who’s ill than any member of my family.  Yes, and I would still choose that because, at least, I am actually the one suffering.  The pain is first hand and I could take the pain or know how to handle it or myself on such a situation. 

But when the one who is suffering is a loved one, not really knowing how much in pain he is or when I see him gritting his teeth to whatever he must be going through and to spare me from worrying, nevertheless, I get worried the more.  

Various thoughts bombard my senses then.  I had to shield my inner thoughts from being totally corrupted by all the negative thoughts that just come to taunt me like the monsters they are.  

A battle ensuing inside my brains could prove more energy-depleting and stressful than actually battling it out with fists and fangs (as if, I had been in one).  Anyway, with a physical fight, I would probably receive bruises and gashes even, but with the mental one, the pain of worrying over the unknown is more debilitating.

It takes too much effort to just channel my mind on other things that needed my attention. But then, after too much thinking and worrying, realization comes like a light dispersing the dark clouds.

In all the trials and tribulations I had gone through, was there a single one I had not hurdled?  Isn’t being alive and writing now proof enough that I even survived life-threatening events?  In everything that had happened, did God ever ignore or forsake me?

Asking myself those questions and answering them truthfully made me realize that my Father in Heaven loves me a lot!  He has not for a single moment left me by myself.  In all of those terrifying moments, He made sure that I made it through all of them.  He always paved the way for me to find any help I would need whenever I needed it most from surprisingly or unlikely sources.  Time and time again, the Bible passage from Matthew 7:7 was proven true to me.

So, despite being worried for knowing my beloved is sick, I am much more relieved now for I believe God will watch over my loved ones and will help us through these tests.  I know God is with us. 


Luxurious Moments?

Warm hugs and cuddles

Entirely make up

For all life struggles

That we’ve to face up.

I woke up this morning to warm hugs and cuddles.  Ain’t that the best way ever to wake up to?  It made me smile and greet the new day with a positive spirit and energy.  It wiped away the troubles and pains of yesterday effectively and made me feel thankful that I am given another day, another chance to enjoy life and submerge myself in this euphoric feeling of having loved as great a guy as this man smiling down at me, waking me up with a sweet kiss and warm hugs.

Over nineteen years of being married, being comfortable and fully-adjusted with each other’s sleeping patterns and habits complete with all the odd stuffs like snoring, gritting of teeth, even drooling (Ew!!!  Hahaha!!!).  

Each day had passed by almost in a blur, like movie scenes scrolled fast forward. Days came tumbling one after another, getting routinary –day in and day out — that we tend to take for granted wonderful, seemingly ordinary things and  events in our lives, such as waking up face-to-face with the same person we lived with all these years

Having days such as this, made me think back once again to those days when we were still young and just started out together on this journey we called “married life”.  Hay…

Oops, don’t misunderstand me.  I don’t regret being married and all that.  My married life may not be made up of silk and bright colors, but, neither is it all dreary black.  It may have been a bumpy ride but it isn’t that all scary.  I would say it has been fun.  There were ups and downs, loops and jumps, but all of these events had made life interesting and even exciting.  

It’s just that time can fly by us so swiftly.  It passes by us so fast that there were days we cannot even have the time to appreciate how bright the sun shines or how beautiful the birds sing.  We were just too busy living our lives, that is.

But, today waking up to such a beautiful day, made me wonder, how many times in the past years had I failed to savor the sweetness of moments like this?  Has it become a luxury that I failed to grasp and enjoy when it was already offered in a silver platter?

Whatever it is though, I decided once and for all, it’s not yet that too late for me to hold my fortune firmly in my hands.  I just have to once in a while lay back and enjoy my great fortune, indulge myself in luxury, if indeed time has turned moments like this into luxury…because I’m worthy of it.

Into Finding That Niche

While I was reading some posts from bloggers who recently liked my own posts or followed me, I came upon this post (please refer to this link:  https://gjseth.org/2017/04/20/what-to-write/) and I thought, he summed it all up what I am thinking right now.  Bravo, GJ Seth, you nailed it!

Well, you could say that from the start, I really don’t have a specific category in mind for my blog.  My blog was somewhat just an expression of my current state of mind or my present interests and I know that not so many are really interested with what is going on with someone else’s life unless they are very extraordinary, and not so many have the same interests in what interests me.

After four months of regular blogging every Wednesdays and Sundays (that is, if nothing odd is happening with me), I began to analyze my own blog.  Comparing it with the works of fellow bloggers I follow, I admit that the likes I was receiving were few. 

I then ask myself, what is my honest reaction to this?  
First of all, I am sad and disappointed.   Sad, because I felt I somewhat failed the people who gave me their vote of confidence by following me.  Disappointed, because I must have expected a bit too much for my own good.

Secondly, I feel uncertain, undecided.  What will I do next from this day onwards?  Is the blog still worth keeping?

Then, when everything was getting a bit emotional which seemed to be happening a little too often lately, I looked at my notifications and read through them again.  Then realization struck me like lightning in a very clear sky.

The fact that there are people who like my posts, old followers and new ones, even if it is only one or two, it does indicate that I haven’t totally failed in affecting people.  Though the main objective of the blog was to touch as many people as possible, being able to express myself explicitly in the first place, has already made the reason of creating this blog a success.

Wasn’t the reason of all these was “finding a niche of my own in the vast world of literature”?  So far, I can very well say that no matter how small that mark I have made, I believe that I did find that niche I was looking for.  It might be considered as just a little crack compared to others but creating rapport with the few wonderful bloggers I’ve met here so far, suffice for any disappointment I may have felt.  

So, as an advice to my own self, give yourself a chance to learn from past experiences of blogging.  Try to be more observant of what really is going on around you.  Feel what perks people up and gather inspiration from them.  Explore the vastness of this world with a keener mind and to not dwell too much in your own small world.

Hmm, good advice, don’t you think?  Let’s see if I can make good at it.

A Test of Faith?

These past two whole weeks had proven to be the most hectic weeks of my life ever.  

Starting with an ultrasound on the Monday of Holy Week, followed with an appointment to a surgeon on Wednesday when I saw the result and then the setting up of schedule for the operation on the following Saturday.  The whole week of waiting for the day of operation was excruciating with worrying for the cost and, of course, the operation itself, whether the whole procedure will occur without a hitch and all the negative things that could happen on that day were runing through my mind.

Finally, the day, April 22, 2017, came with all the brightness and heat of a hot summer day.  
We left the house, which was almost an hour drive from the hospital, three hours earlier and waited for another hour on a bench across the hospital’s pharmacy before I went to the admitting section and submitted the documents necessary to get the approval for surgery from the billing section.  It only took fifteen minutes to fill up forms, secure the approval and present the same together with the surgeon’s orders at the operating room.  Time check:  11:15am.  The operation was supposed to be scheduled at 12 noon.

Another two hours of relentless waiting at the hallway inside the operating room, with my daughter being interviewed and prepared for the operation after signing the consent for the procedure, made the day more dramatic, with me feeling like I was the one at the edge of the precipice instead of just being the guardian and a very worried mother.

At around 1:10 pm, my daughter finally entered the operating room on her own two feet.  Was I sounding like a  very proud mother?  She had just entered when the walls felt like it vibrated with the angry berating of the anesthesiologist for seeing her parient made to walk to her bed at the operating room.  It was only then we knew that she should have been wheeled or laid down on a gurney to the room.  I felt too bad for the friendly and good-natured young man who interviewed my daughter and led her to the operating room.  Thank goodness, all was well because she didn’t fall over or feel dizzy when she went in.

Almost an hour later, she was transferred to the recovery room and I was happy enough to see her peacefully sleeping.  

We were advised to have our lunch since it will take another hour before she wakes up from sedation.  We never had the appetite to eat more than a serving each of  french fries bought from a nearby food chain store and a regular-size cup of softdrink my husband and I shared between the two of us.  I just couldn’t wait to see when my daughter is going to open her eyes from sedation.  Stories of people not waking up from sedation kept playing on my mind making me fidget and fret.  It was like waging a battle of faith against fear for my daughter.  I kept on praying she would wake up when she was supposed ro wake up.

When she finally did wake up almost  an hour after she was transferred to the recovery room, I was one happy mama when I saw her open her eyes.  Time check:  3:08pm.  She was doing much better.

The attending nurse at the recovery room told me she would call me to come over when it was time for my daughter to change back into street clothes after she had rested for another hour or two.  In the meantime, I was told to process her clearance.

Two hours  later, the male nurse gathered her change of clothing.  She was alert enough to change into her clothes with my help and the female nurse.  After she had changed, the nurse made her sit on a plastic chair and I was ushered out again to wait outside until the nurse felt it safe to call for a wheelchair.  A few minutes later the nurse had to take back the tube for the oxygen she had already given to me (somewhat like a souvenir of the operation) and put it back on because she had gone pale while sitting on the chair.  When I looked into her, she was back on the hospital bed with the oxygen and the monitors back again with her blood pressure at 97/74.

Oh my God!  That was like standing me up on a plank with nothing but rough waters below.  That moment, I rather chose to be on that bed than standing a few feet from it, frozen with worry at how white her lips were.  I thought that was the worst of it.  A few minutes later, we were told to prepare some crackers and my husband thoughtfully bought water with it and I was instructed to let her nibble on it.  She first asked for water.  She took three or four sips at the most and took a small bite of cracker when she began to gag.  Can you imagine how a mother would feel at the sight of her newly-operated daughter heaving at such few intake of water and cracker?  I was told again to wait outside.

Finally, after almost two hours of waiting outside of the recovery room, the nurse informed me my daughter is finally sitting again on a chair and nibbling on a piece of cracker.  An attendant was called to wheel her from the recovery room which happened to be at the second floor down to the ground floor.

The more than five hours stay at the operating room was finally over.  Relief washed over me as we drove our way home, with her comfortably ensconced on piles of throw pillows my husband brought along for the drive, dozing off all the way home.

Narrating the entire event this way, made me see how I must have overreacted over the whole deal, how the entire event made me feel like I aged by the.minute while waiting for her to rouse up enough for us to go home.  In those five to six hours, I fluctuate from one minute a deep believer to a wavering mother in another.  I began to think about what had I done in the past that may have placed me in this situation.  Indeed when.one is faced with situations where one or one’s family are in danger, we began to think we might be being punished for a wrong done or like Job, our faith is being tested.

No matter what though, one thing I realized is that God loves me for despite my doubts and incessant worrying, He had shown me in so.many ways and in lots of time that He is always there for.me, that when I call for Him in my dire need, He does not forsake me.  I may feel at times, my faith is being tested, but I know, time and time again, that God will be by my side.

What Will You Choose:  Resolution or Suppression?

Wow, thanks to a genius like Roberto G. Medina, Doctor of Philosophy, who wrote a book entitled Human Behavior in Organization, my discussion about Conflict is about to be finished.  He, surely, is the best!

Thanks also to my ever supportive and appreciative followers and co-bloggers, I had fun sharing with you the knowledge imparted by Dr. Medina.

So to wrap this up, let me discuss with you Conflict Resolution and Conflict Suppression. 

Conflict Resolution occurs when the reasons for the conflict are eliminated.

  1. Problem Solving – this is a face-to-face meeting of the parties in conflict to identify and resolve the problem through an open discussion. 
  2. Superordinate Goals – the parties in conflict must cooperate to attain a shared goal.      
  3. Expansion of Resources – when scarcity of resources is the cause of conflict, their expansion could avert the conflict.
  4. Smoothing – playing down of differences while emphasizing common interests between the parties in conflict. 
  5. Compromise – the technique wherein each party to the conflict gives up something of value. 
  6. Altering the structural variables – involves changing the formal organizational structure and the interaction patterns of conflicting parties through job redesign, transfer, creation of coordinating positions and the like. 

In contrast with conflict resolution, conflict suppression happens when no change in antecedent conditions is made and the manifest conflict behaviors are controlled.

There are two forms of suppressing conflicts:

  1. Avoidance – it consists of (a) pretending to be unaware that conflict exists; and (b) refusal to deal with conflict by stalling and repeatedly postponing action. 
  2. Authoritative Command – this happens when management uses its formal authority to resolve the conflict and then communicates its desires to the parties involved.  

Now you know the difference between resolution and suppression.  So, to resolve conflicts, which of them do you think is the best way?

What will you choose:  resolution or suppression?