I woke up this morning to warm hugs and cuddles. Ain’t that the best way ever to wake up to? It made me smile and greet the new day with a positive spirit and energy. It wiped away the troubles and pains of yesterday effectively and made me feel thankful that I am given another day, another chance to enjoy life and submerge myself in this euphoric feeling of having loved as great a guy as this man smiling down at me, waking me up with a sweet kiss and warm hugs.
Over nineteen years of being married, being comfortable and fully-adjusted with each other’s sleeping patterns and habits complete with all the odd stuffs like snoring, gritting of teeth, even drooling (Ew!!! Hahaha!!!).
Each day had passed by almost in a blur, like movie scenes scrolled fast forward. Days came tumbling one after another, getting routinary –day in and day out — that we tend to take for granted wonderful, seemingly ordinary things and events in our lives, such as waking up face-to-face with the same person we lived with all these years
Having days such as this, made me think back once again to those days when we were still young and just started out together on this journey we called “married life”. Hay…
Oops, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t regret being married and all that. My married life may not be made up of silk and bright colors, but, neither is it all dreary black. It may have been a bumpy ride but it isn’t that all scary. I would say it has been fun. There were ups and downs, loops and jumps, but all of these events had made life interesting and even exciting.
It’s just that time can fly by us so swiftly. It passes by us so fast that there were days we cannot even have the time to appreciate how bright the sun shines or how beautiful the birds sing. We were just too busy living our lives, that is.
But, today waking up to such a beautiful day, made me wonder, how many times in the past years had I failed to savor the sweetness of moments like this? Has it become a luxury that I failed to grasp and enjoy when it was already offered in a silver platter?
Whatever it is though, I decided once and for all, it’s not yet that too late for me to hold my fortune firmly in my hands. I just have to once in a while lay back and enjoy my great fortune, indulge myself in luxury, if indeed time has turned moments like this into luxury…because I’m worthy of it.
When we say “mirror”, what’s the most popular line that comes to mind, will it be “Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all,” by the Evil Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? Or in Philippine setting, is it Boy Abunda saying, “I’m bringing out my magic mirror”? How about if you are to face your own imaginary mirror, are you ready to face your true self? Am I?
Oftentimes, on Facebook, we see people (acquaintances, friends, family) who love to post famous quotes or derogatory lines that seemed to point fingers at another person or is meant to make another feel shameful or to prick someone’s conscience BUT failed to notice that these lines are more apt reminders to themselves. I am sure a name of a particular someone will suddenly pop into your mind.
We ask ourselves, how come they don’t seem to realize it?
That is, for the plain reason that no one can see the mud on one’s face unless one faces the mirror and be honest enough to admit the truth that is revealed there no matter how harsh is it.
Yes, I say, it is very difficult for anyone to face one’s self in that imaginary mirror and see what is revealed there. I’ll bet that not so many will even spare a moment to face that mirror.
Facing the mirror might reveal two things: things you are proud of yourself and things that you will never even admit to yourself to be capable of thinking or doing, things you are ashamed of. Thus, facing the mirror is tantamount to facing the demons haunting your mind, or looking at the ghost of a forgotten past, or the gaping mouth of a lion making you tremble in trepidation, fear and shame. It is, in other words, admitting to your weaknesses and mistakes to that one person who is most important to you, YOURSELF.
For even to myself I have to admit that facing that mirror might ask more than I am ready to give and might reveal more than I care to accept.
But today, I want to gather up the courage to face that mirror and look into what it will reveal.
It revealed that in my life, there are things that made me wish I can turn back the clock of times so I can change them, or that I can even change myself for the better.
It also revealed that there are things I am capable of doing for the sake of love, for the sake of my family, for survival, for the right to exist in this world.
But most of all, it revealed I am what I am today because of those events that happened in my past. I can say that I became a much stronger, braver, and wiser person than I was before.
I may have grown in a family that may not be all that different among the usual sob stories you see in television, but let it suffice to say that at a young age, I gained a deeper understanding of life.
I realized that in order to change what people can remember of me and my family, I had to change the direction of their thoughts not on the sad facts of my life but on my triumphant journey towards achieving the goals I have set my eyes upon. I wanted them to always remember, instead, where I am now.
I am neither filthy rich, nor am I with a distinguished position in society but I feel what I have now–a stable job, a supportive mother, a loving husband and three lovely daughters, an undying dream–are enough to make me feel I am on the top of the world.
There are maybe things that I have done that I may regret for my whole life but then there is no point on lingering on such regrettable past for what is left to be done is to move forward and to try doing what is right so I won’t commit the same mistakes again. I will maybe forever whip myself in my mind but I will not allow myself to forever cower in fear and shame, for in this world, I may not be perfect but I am the best in giving my all for my family.